On a logical level I understand how kink is problematic, but if you get aroused by kink would you have to use willpower your whole life to make sure you don't indulge? Or is there a way to make the arousal to go away? If you managed to get rid of the arousal, what worked for you?

mutual on Twitter tweeted that she made a separate “nsfwtwt” account. I click on it, and these are the most recent tweets…

Hello everyone

Today I am going to share bdsm at it's goriest ugliest best .

1. There are sites called Goodreads , dreame that throw at you stories that contains horrifying and criminal dystopian world of bdsm . I am going to share a few with you .

Story 1. It is a story of a ambitious and studious student who is in love with her professor and confesses it. She is manipulated into a bimbo slut bdsm lifestyle by this professor . He gang rapes her , doesn't take her consent or a contract , he constantly pushes her towards extreme humiliation and rapes and leaks her photos , shames her in the entire college makes her a prostitute . He constantly pushes her boundaries and forces her to do things that she doesn't want for gaining is love . According to him he will trap her and never allow her to leave this cycle of abuse . Slowly slowly she starts to like the abuse and doesn't want to leave him because of Stockholm syndrome. This is a classical case of abuse that the author presents as bdsm and love . This is the real face of bdsm .

Story 2. The slave ranch - This story has human trafficking. The men whose wives are ambitious high profiled officers strong confident but busy and men whose wives are not good in bed register these women to a slavery training dungeon against their wills. Women are kidnapped tortured raped treated like animals , have traumas related to even sitting on chair because they were forced to kneel before men . Few are returned to their husbands rest are sold to criminals because this is a human trafficking gang. I asked the writer that what the fuck is she writing. She told me human trafficking is sexy and she wishes to be trafficked.

3. Many such stories that say it is easy to maintain a pet than wives and girlfriends because they are slaves and they can be tortured whenever the master wants are objects for sexual gratification of the man and can be trained as objects.

4. In normal romance novels mafia stories these days I can't find a single romances without bdsm. Mafia stories on mainstream platforms like booknet Wattpad where toxic stories about human traffickers and how the fall in love with angels and people forgetting that he has raped thousands innocent women cheer for him . He uses bdsm on a girl who hate it's completely . He forces her to wear vibrator or butt plug in public humiliating her making under uncomfortable all in the name of love. And at the end she finally likes all bullshit and loves him.

I can't tell you even more disgusting comics and shots where women slavery is the societal norm, where women have no rights . Rapes are justified , genital mutilation of clit is encouraged because slaves are for the man 's pleasure Calling them fucktoys and all consent is not there at all .

Finally I would like to conclude that sex positivity means believing women can love sex and it doesn't make them sluts . Bdsm is not sex positivity . This is the real bdsm where 24/7 pain sluts slaves . A sub who has no boundaries who is in a total power exchange relationship who is nothing but an object for man's pleasure is what bdsm wants to make every single women involved there. This is their rela goal .

I am angry at these authors and disgusting people .they show the reality of bdsm to us . I urge anyone having doubts if leaving bdsm to read this and understand that you are signing your birth right your freedom for some sexual gratification and orgasm . Please don't do this to yourself 🥺

I’m not sure if I’m allowed to share an actually post from another sub Reddit so I’ll err on the side of caution and just describe…

Earlier I saw a question posted on a NSFW sub, asking about alternatives to safe words since his sub girlfriend has a stutter that “really acts up during play”.

All I felt was a pit in my stomach. That an increase in stuttering is probably a trauma response.

But, of course, he ensures us all that he loves her and cares so much about her comfort…

TLDR: Do doms often talk to women (not their subs) about sex, trying to make them uncomfortable ? Seeming very sexist?

So, I haven’t been exposed to the bdsm world much. But when I commented on a sex sub about anal sex. Got into a chat with a guy who says all the women he’s “assfucked” have loved it. As long as you “train and stretch her tiny hole,” she always comes back to hang out with him again so he can “use her asshole.” Yeah, so he’s a dom. Lots of comments to the bdsm subreddit seem to confirm. Details aside, he kept obviously trying to make me uncomfortable. I can be a naïve idiot sometimes. He seemed nice and I was too open with him, explaining that I am not a prude, enjoy vaginal a lot, but just never felt much with anal. But he took that as in invitation to compliment my “sweet holes” though he’s obviously never met or seen me. He talked about how I would certainly enjoy it if trained properly and just found a way to make it creepy.

Then I remembered what happened when I went to a bdsm party. My ex bf got invited, I was curious! We saw the mutual friend who invited my bf while we were there. We chatted with him about how some of this stuff worked and my bf went to the bathroom. The second we were alone, he was so creepy. “Oh she’s such a sweet sub ” about some girl who walked by. And He steered it to him saying things like, “So if I were domming you…” when I was asking general questions.

So I’ve had two conversations with doms. Both steered it to talking about my body and seeming real sexist. I’m sure they enjoyed making me squirm.

Are doms often actually sexist? I thought maybe in the bedroom, like it’s part of the persona, but in real life? Talking to girls they know aren’t subs?! The bdsm subreddit doms don’t seem as creepy from what I saw (this guys comments weren’t very creepy on there). Did I just get lucky with these two? Or is this accurate observation?

An hour-long conversation between Kristal Garcia and the podcast host touches on Kristal's experiences with BDSM and how she came to view it as abuse, the way BDSM is enabled in culture, "kink-affirming" therapists, and general advice for people getting out of the lifestyle.

Ways to listen to the episode: Apple Podcasts, Podbean, Podtail, Google Podcasts, Podcast Addict

Kristal also has several videos criticising BDSM on her YouTube channel, and she started a new website/blog about it.

I have noticed that the BDSM subculture is increasingly associated with LGBTQ culture and vice versa, leading people to include heterosexual BDSM as part of LGBTQ Pride. As a genderqueer asexual, I can tell you that BDSM and LGBTQ pride are opposite one another in nature. Pride is about accepting the realities about oneself, be it gender or sexual orientation, while BDSM, from what I have heard, is about unrealistic, inhumane fantasies that become twisted into realities through brainwashing and developing an addiction. BDSM got lumped in with LGBTQ pride because anti-LGBTQ individuals view Pride as promoting a deviant fetish (even though that is not true), so people with the real fetishes jumped into the Pride movement to justify their abusive and degrading lifestyles. BDSM being part of LGBTQ pride is nothing more than a facade to justify values and lifestyles that stand in the way of what Pride is really about.

I apologize if this is a common repost; feel free to remove it if it is.

I used to uncritically accept everything I read from BDSM writers. I looked up to them as my more experienced, more knowledgeable counterparts. In my defense, it all fit together very nicely. Every lie built on the lies and half-truths before it.

I didn't question what I was told, at first because I was young, inexperienced and didn't know better. But later, my lack of questioning turned into a habit. I habitually ignored the problem behaviors around me, the problem people around me. When I had doubts, there was always some sense of guilt. As if doubting this lifestyle or ANY of its members in any way meant I was a terrible person, a prude kinkshamer, judgmental and hopelessly backwards. I also felt shame. For if their actions could be judged and deemed wrong, then so could mine. To save myself from scrutiny, I had to put on blinders.

BDSM must be the most defensive community I've ever taken part in. So many of their words are devoted to shielding themselves from scrutiny. So many of their actions and kneejerk reactions are defensive. When a predatory cannibal is caught abusing women, he's either not kinky or cannibalism is actually okay.

To believe a lie like "cannibalism is actually okay" we have to accept many other lies before it. We have to accept the lie that people's fantasies aren't a reflection of their thoughts and feelings. There are many reasons why people accept fetishes like cannibalism. Everyone knows that cannibalism is horrible and considers the idea of eating people deeply disturbing. But we don't have the same visceral reaction to the name this fetish more often goes by: vore. This linguistic manipulation happens everywhere in kink. Knowing that people will react apprehensively to terrible things when they're directly named, BDSM is always in the process of creating new words and phrases. Before the Armie Hammer scandal, I hadn't really given any thought to vore. It meant eating people and it's still problematic even as a fantasy, but without the familiar phrase for this sort of behavior I didn't emotionally link it back to other historical practices of eating people. Which is to say that my instincts about the sociopathy of fantasies that involve eating people were still easily blinded by this linguistic technique. Even when I know these things are bad, those linguistic techniques still affect me. Being critical of kink doesn't make me immune to them.

Something happened when the Armie Hammer story broke. That linguistic technique failed. People recognized that Armie Hammer was not a misunderstood vore kinkster with a harmless fantasy, but a dangerous abuser with a cannibalism 'fetish'. (why is it that when we call something a fetish, that's linguistically worse than calling it a kink?) Every accusation and lurid detail that came out faced the same incredulity and skepticism and defensive posturing. but amid all the damning evidence, those lies could no longer stand. So when at last his reputation could not be saved, these BDSM "educators" came out of the woodwork to circle the wagons. They distanced themselves. They said they were different.

Are they different? It's funny that it's so clear to me now that even if they were different, we can't tell. The Armie Hammers of the world that are cruising for victims and use kink as an "excuse" for abuse, they don't wear signs on their backs that say "predator". BDSM wants us to believe that there are good dominants - good people, mostly men, who fantasize about hurting others, usually women. And there are bad dominants. They call the latter "fake doms", to help with this lie that everything kinky is safe and that there is a magic to kink that makes it fundamentally different than abuse, that makes 'real doms' fundamentally different from abusers. Now, I don't believe that. I think the consent and the 'follow the rules' BDSM is meant as a gentle introduction and that it is the on-ramp to abuse. I think it warms us up and gets us accustomed to the mistreatment, so that it's not such a shock when boundaries are pushed, first gently, then with greater pressure, until they are all violated with ever evolving justification.

But even when I believed the idea that BDSM has good doms and bad doms, at some point it no longer mattered to me. Because in this lifestyle, submissives have to be on constant guard for the 'predators', for the impatient wolves who want to get straight to the point and ignore boundaries instead of gaslighting their way past them. There are always warnings about the wrong kind of dominant, the impatient wolf who doesn't follow the rules. Women would give each other warnings in their whisper networks. Sometimes a man who wanted to do a scene with me would give me warnings, too. They'd tell me that the other dom I was talking to didn't play safe. They'd try to reassure me that they were one of the good ones. I might have believed them, but after so many encounters with wolves, at some point I was just in too much shock. When I had the opportunity to join a new BDSM group, I started to think, "hell, they might all be good doms, but I don't know which one is going to be safe and which isn't. I'm actually terrified to go."

That's what gets me the most. I didn't leave because of the lies. I left in spite of them, because my fear, that gift of fear, could no longer be silenced. Because there were predators, and I was being hurt. No amount of justifying BDSM can overcome that reality. For the submissive, there is no safety in BDSM. There's always a constant vigilance for wolves. I am called extreme for telling people that they're all wolves. But I think it's extreme to claim that someone who spends all their times thinking up ways to torture and control people, isn't a wolf. I think it's extreme to craft a web of lies to override people's instinctive aversion to kink, and to use linguistic lies like "fake dominant" to cover up the horrors happening in the BDSM community on a regular basis. I think BDSM at its core is deceptive, abusive and that it might very well be a cult. If that opinion is extreme, I'm okay with that. In the face of extreme gaslighting and extreme mistreatment of the likes that happened in the Armie Hammer scandal and the many other unpublished stories that are even worse, I'm willing to take the extreme stance. There's something very wrong here.

thoughts?

BDSM people like to say they are just "hardwired" to like the stuff they like, its just human diversity. umm no try again,

you like to be degraded and beat and called slut because you internalized the idea that sex is violent, sex is a conquest, if the woman wants sex it is embarassing and degrading to her, shes a whore or slut for liking sex, being turned on is worthy of punishment, all this and. more. and you probably learned these things from books movies tv and the media. you are NOT naturally this way and it would be better if you un-learn these messages and have more loving sex, its not a part of natural human differences its literally just you kind of having unhealthy beliefs about sex deep down.

unpopular opinion , i really dont think bdsm people are more likely to have trauma. BUT people who do bdsm and have trauma are in much more danger since they are just making the trauma worse not better and they are just validating any self hate through the bdsm. they are the ones who will get sucked in fast and use the bdsm in a intense psychological way instead of just as fun bedroom kink.

I've been noticing a trend of people being censored or banned over antikink viewpoints.

This is also likely linked to the efforts of BDSM to latch onto LGBTQ, and other minority protections. They frequently use the oppression card and explicitly compare their advocacy to the gay liberation movement (something as a lesbian I find intolerably offensive to the gay community).

Has anyone here been banned or censored for expressing antikink views?

just been thinking, i noticed that there are two general kinds of people into kink and they are both very cringey and i guess " toxic", for different reasons.

one:

the type who does their bdsm scenes publicly attending parties and munches and stuff. usually poly too. they are always pretty insecure and maybe socially awkward in some way, just seem to want to get something from you. no hate to these people for being socially awkward but just saying it can be dangerous to be in these circles since these types are filled with selfish interests. they attend the kink circles because they want something. usually to fill some kink or fantasy. or to just find willing sex partners. so they do not genuinely care about you or have your best interests in mind. they do things a bit safer... or atleast pretend to because there are people around. but they are still toxic- they treat everything transactionally like contracts and agreements because ultimately they just want to make sure they get their fantasy or whatever they are looking for. they think they are better than the second group because they do things "safer"

two:

the type who does the bdsm at home. they are usually monogamous but can also be poly. they are also insecure but will seem more "normal" on the surface but eventually you see the true colors underneath: they are narcissistic and abusive and usually very controlling too. they are much more focused on the sex part of bdsm and are probably porn addicted which is how they mostly learn about bdsm. they think they are a sex god or something and have a huge ego knowing that they do such extreme stuff in secret. a really dangerous thing about these people is that they are often extremely unsafe and do not have any cares about safety, not even the pretense like the first type. they just see it in porn and then want to do it, for example choking . they think they are better than the first group because they dont make bdsm their whole personality.

this is just what i have seen. i was part of the first group once, and im just trying to explain that both are toxic and dangerous, even though both groups think they are better than the other.

so for starters im not a toll lol. i wanna try and understand everyone's points of view here and try and get an understanding of where you guys stand. i mean no harm, just putting that out there now and im posting this purely out of curiosity. i'd like to ask a few questions and maybe you'd like to ask me questions too. i hope we can find common ground and that everyone has a great day!

a bit about me:

i am not in a 24/7 bdsm dynamic and only engage in it as part of sex. not all sex includes bdsm and i quite enjoy plain vanilla sex every now and then as well as passionate, romantic love making. im in a monogamous relationship with my amazing boyfriend of over two years who im deeply in love with. he's super sweet can be shy around new people, quite introverted but really opens up when he gets to know people. im the opposite, im extroverted and i love putting myself out there, im not afraid to be in the spot light (usually) and i do ok in leadership type rolls. i LOVE to draw, crochet, paint and do art in general. i have two younger siblings (7 m and 9 f) who are both autistic, have adhd and dyslexia, neurodiversity runs in my family and i have recently been assessed by my psychologist for ocd and will get results back by next week. speaking of my psychologist i see her for three main reasons; one is that i self harm and have been for three years or more idk, two is that i suffer from low, sometimes extreem body image issues that can result in self harm and three is because i have periods of low mood.

both my boyfriend and i are 19 with him a few months older than me. we went to school together and were friends before we confessed feelings to eachother. even before we were together he helped me a lot with my problems and was always there for me. he knows i self harm and when he found out he wasnt mad an just held me and comforted me. he was the only one who took me seriously with my "over thinking" which ive recently found out could be ocd. my parents and friends all said it was "normal" even tho my "overthinking" was impacting my social life.

i love him so much and i know he feels the same way. we both didnt know what bdsm was when we first started getting sexual. one day i (like i said im the extroverted one and i put my ideas forward more) i asked him to spank me (saw it in porn) and while he was hesitant at first he did it and that was how everything started. i found stuff i liked, i would talk to him about it and see if we wanted to try it. he found stuff he liked, we talked about it and tried it. he's discovered that he's a dom and ive discovered that im a sub. everything is consented for before engaging in kink and i have a safe word system of "yellow" for slow down/be more gentil and "red" for stop. he regularly checks in on me and sometimes will stop without my saying if he notices something is up.

some of the kinks im into is soft-mild impact play(spanking, flogging etc), temperature play (ice cubes and stuff), sensory play (playing with different sensations i can physically feel), service (giving him drinks and stuff when he asks), praise (being praised for stuff im doing), i love to be a brat (a submissive who's a smart ass to her dom) from time to time. over all its really fun and we both love and initiate sex that involves bdsm.

for questions i wanna ask what people find so bad about kink? is it all kinks? what about fetishes? if bdsm in consensual (which all sex should be) why is it bad? is it all aspects of bdsm you dont like or just impact play/humiliation/degrasion? whats your opinion on after care? how do you view those who are submissives? how do you view those who are dominants? how do you view those who are switches? and what developed your idea that kink isnt good?

thank you and have a great day!

Just a warning that if this person is causing trouble in the comment sections on anyone else’s posts to report them to mods. They are throwing out wild accusations against people who disagree with their harmful and abusive lifestyle. I just want to help keep the sub safe from people promoting this trash. You can see them arguing with me in the comments on my other post here. Please report so they can be banned.

I don't have anyone to talk about these topics, can't go to therapy right now but I will try to go.

For the whole month of august I realized I was masturbating to BDSM content, every time I masturbated I would be super aroused (only physically) mentally I'd hate myself for it and I'd feel myself making a disgusted face. My orgasms masturbating to that type of porn were always weak but it never failed to get me aroused physically. I almost felt like I was raping myself if that makes sense. I started getting fearful that I was into these kinks and was scared that I'd be into 24/7 play. I would hurt myself while the person on porn was getting hurt and masturbate, still only being physically aroused. Every time I finish a masturbation session (this could be 3-5+ hours multiple orgasms) I felt super depressed but I kept doing it, I still don't know why.

On September 20th, I stopped watching porn and masturbating. Before I quit I'd masturbate to vanilla content or vanilla fantasies and I'd be mentally happy/aroused, physically aroused, and I felt good once I finished. I want a relationship that practices vanilla sex, that's what I fantasies about when procrastinating and that's what makes me happy.

Since September 20th, I always get thoughts that give me anxiety, fear, and more importantly makes me super unproductive. I'm sad that these issues about my sexuality is going to waste precious time that I can be using to be studying for school/practicing for internship interviews (both of which I'm not really doing).

Here is a list of my fears:

1. I'm scared my future SO is going to be into the type of BDSM content that I've been physically aroused by. Then when my future SO brings it up to me, the future SO might notice my physical arousal and I may end up agreeing to participating in it. And then I may be stuck in that type of sex.

2. I'm scared that I actually enjoy BDSM and I might not like vanilla sex (even tho prior to August I loved vanilla stuff).

3. I constantly get fears that I have this kink, so I keep wasting time googling to see if people gotten rid of their kinks, I don't know why I do it but I do it.

4. My biggest fear honestly is somehow participating in this type of content, during my porn binge I thought about getting FetLife.

5. I'm scared somehow I'm going to end up in a situation where I act this kink in real life.

Here are other things that bother me:

1. Although sometimes I'm repulsed by kink, some other times I'm repulsed but I get physical arousal.

2. I wish I only had repulsion to these kinks and I had no physical response at all.

3. I keep constantly thinking about the kink to test if I get aroused and I pass sometimes but I also fail sometimes.

4. I wish I stopped thinking about this specific kink, I keep getting random thoughts regarding the kink in my head and I hate it. Sometimes I'd react with repulsion other times I react with physical arousal.

5. I wish I had no knowledge of this kink I hate that my brain knows that this kink exists and that it uses this knowledge to torture me.

6. I was scrolling through a subreddit called "sex" and I saw something related to my kink and it really made me sad.

I thought after quitting porn I would loose this kink, I'm pretty sure I did and I started being productive and happy. But somedays when I realize I get physical arousal my whole mood is destroyed and I feel really depressed. Sometimes when I get this sad I think to myself that I rather never breathe/have sex / have a relationship than participate in this kink.

What I want? I want to be happy? So how would I accomplish that?

1. Stop getting physical arousal by this kink.

2. Stop getting random thoughts about this kink (this is what I want gone first, when I get a random thought I go on reddit for reassurance that the kink will go and I end up wasting 6 hours sometimes and I get behind in lectures).

Idk why I'm writing this or posting this. I guess I wanted to organize my thoughts and I guess it somewhat helped organizing them. That being said I'm still sad right now. Maybe I'm secretly hoping someone is going to reply with a secret formula to help my problems idk. Idk what to do, I wish I can go back to pre-covid where I was happy with myself.

Some facts about me that I feel might be important to share:

1. I self diagnosed myself with OCD I'm very confident that I had it, but I'm very confident that it went away so idk

2. I'm in my early 20's

I've been doxxed on reddit before, it wasn't fun. If you think I should share more information for help then I might share if the reasons valid? or I can dm idk.

Maybe I'm posting this because I want someone to talk to this about, reading my post back I realized how idiotic I sound but the sadness didn't go away. I've read people's post to try to find insecurities and traumas to get rid of the kink. But I've had a really good life, I was building a good life for myself (with my education), and I feel like I'm throwing everything away because of this issue.

I’m new here. I’m not trying to troll, I am interested in the anti kink perspective.

I started reading a lot of erotic romance novels and many of them have elements of power play in them. I found it to be arousing so I started researching it. I did ask my husband to be rougher during sex, but nothing I feel is degrading. Pulling hair, light spanks, holding me down. I really enjoy it. No spitting, slapping, or calling me names. (My husband would have never agreed to do those things if I had asked) I feel like most kinky people would still call it vanilla actually.

Then I came upon reading about the TPE relationship and that really fucked with my head (not 50 shades). I was so horrified and then felt confused because I like the light stuff, but this bothered me really badly. Like, I couldn’t stop thinking about it, it made me sick to my stomach but then I just kept reading about it. I even posted on the BDSM sub to get some clarification for some issues I felt like maybe I just didn’t understand… that made it even worse.

I finally got out of that obsession, but still disturbing. So I am very anti-TPE. But I still find non-degrading, non-violent BDSM arousing. Does anyone on this sub make any allowances for bedroom only BDSM when it affects literally no other part of the relationship? I detest the identity as “dom” (I love how you guys refuse to capitalize this too) and “sub” and taking roles that are unequal.

Is there any time when you think asking for a little rough dominant behavior during sex is reasonable? I’m guessing no, but I’m interested in thoughts.